|Long time, again...
||[Sep. 24th, 2009|09:25 am]
172 weeks since last update it says. probably.|
Been going through old files... looking at stuff like MUX chat logs from 2002 makes me kind of sad and nostalgic. Old times... miss it.
If anyone from the old SluggyMUX days sees this, email me: firstname.lastname@example.org. Would like to just get in touch again, really.
Part of me wants to take up the things I used to do again... another part of me is still working on divesting myself of commitments and time-killers.
Haven't decided what I'm doing: settling in, or moving on. Or going back, if the feelings I get reading this stuff is any clue.
Feel like I haven't gotten anywhere further along my path since 2004 or so. Did get quite a ways politically... yet now I've resigned nearly all my posts because I couldn't handle the time pressures of being in charge on top of work.
Not good at leading people. There's that certain quality real leaders have that makes people just follow... I have the opposite. Almost Cassandra-like ability to state what needs to be done, and be completely ignored... people just don't listen to me. Think I'm finally starting to accept that, but it's not easy.
Some days, wish I could commit to writing all this out, but a decade of experience (merciful chaos, I feel old) tells me I can't keep an update schedule. write, work, stop... never start again. Frustrating.
Sigh. There was a path in front of me, 2003ish. I knew it, felt it, hemmed and hawed, and it was gone. Have never felt that sort of draw, fate I guess, ever again, when it used to be so strong, all the time. Find myself ignoring more and more of the random feelings that I don't have explanations for. Being so focused on the material- job, money, all that. I miss that feeling of something more.
Guess I've just got to seek it back out...